My colleague and I were having a chat over cup of tea at our office canteen with my boss. This topic of “to serve or be served” pop-up and as we grow wiser in age, I agree but our younger generation might just brushed it off “ Fat hope” or “siong leh”
Malay girls are taught by their mothers from a very young age to be submissive to the man. By the act of serving it does not mean, she is taken for granted as a servant or treated as one (According to the malay man, since they are allowed many wives, so mother’s girl fear that she will lose her son-in-law to another woman). Most girls are married before they reached 30 years of age. My female colleague will “salam” her husband’s hand when he drops her off. If not, they will “salam” before she leaves their home. Even if they marry a “lousy” husband, they accept fate has dealt them a cruel hand. To leave is a shame.
For a chinese girl, seldom do we hear mothers teaching their children to be “obedient” or submissivie to their husband. It will just have to come naturally? In fact sometimes, when the man takes so long to carry out one task, we beh tahan, quickly push him aside, “I do, I do”. Remember when we take the marriage vows, we nod our heads and say “I do, I do”?. Ah ha!. And we have been doing that since. Speaking for the men, my boss advice to the younger generation of girls,“don’t try to do everything and left the poor husband nothing to do. Woman loves to take charge – from kids to studies to home and now even at work. Man still remains like man. Some are just plain lazy and sometimes need the push. So if you love them to distraction, they will be easier to – go pay the bills, carry the garbage, follow you shopping for hours even if you buy nothing, yum char with you at Fatty Poh’s kopi tiam but don’t forget give each other some space. He for his football you go joined your yoga classes.